Diary of One Heart’s Journey with God
This entry was posted on Thursday, June 7th, 2007
Honestly, I’m quite hesitant to share but I don’t want to hold back the glory that should be given to God.
It’s the journey of my heart.
I was asking God how I can take part in the Project Mosaic & 25/25 Anniversary and God gave me that privilege recently. Prior to that, God had sponsored me to two concerts – Classic Romance II & Love Hopes.
Sabi ko, “Lord, there is a responsibility attached to every blessing that we receive. Let me know what that is, and let me take part in the vision of the church.” My present situation of having no job makes it a little harder for me to take part, but only in the financial aspect. We know that we can support naman the vision in any way we can.
Let me narrate my journey through sharing some vignettes from my journal.
APRIL 15 – I decided to take part in the Mosaic Ministries through the film showing of Spiderman 3 on May 6. It costs P400 but I know God will provide. (Romans 11:36) “For everything comes from Him; everything exists by His power & is intended for His glory.” Yes, everything comes from Him so I need not worry. I’ll expect God to move.
This is for the glory of His Name.
APRIL 18 – Readiness for God means that we are prepared to do the smallest or the largest thing. Whatever God’s plans may be, we are there and ready as said by Oswald Chambers. (Luke 9:59a) “Come, be My disciple.” I was reminded again of this verse tonight at ReSoul service when Coach Ime told about the story of a Korean martyr who followed Christ. The sweetest times in a Christian’s life is when he learns to suffer and die with Christ.
APRIL 21 – (Luke 9:59a, again). The higher we pay the cost in following Jesus, the sweeter our spiritual life becomes. This passage talks about the cost of following Jesus, and it was emphasized again. My prayer is: Lord, let me begin my journey with a heart that is broken.
(Luke 14:27) “And you cannot be My disciple if you do not carry your own cross & follow Me.” What steps am I taking to get deeper in the Lord? What is my Christianity if it is only for myself? When we are willing to pay the cost, we can’t outgive God.
There were times when I just had to walk, not ride a jeep, in order to attend the service and other occasions; and kill the cravings for food, para lang makaipon ng P400.
APRIL 28 – (Matthew 6:33) “And He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him & make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.” Lord, help me to always remember this verse, & how the Korean martyrs sought Your Kingdom first & died for their faith.
APRIL 29 – I made a decision to take part and give sacrificially to the Mosaic Ministries, not just in the financial aspect, but as well as in terms of my time — to pray and fast. The idea of getting two tickets entered my mind too, with the faith that nothing is impossible with God.
To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty & expectancy. (Oswald Chambers).
(1 John 3:22) “And we will receive whatever we request because we obey Him & do the things that pleases Him.” Lord, teach me to obey You and do the things that pleases You, not just simply for what I will receive, but for what You are and who You are to me.
APRIL 30 – The testimony of Tita Ghie regarding tithing & the verse in Malachi 3:10 made me discover something very important – tithe covers all the material blessings we receive, not just monetary blessings. It reminded me of the two concert tickets that God blessed me with.
MAY 03 – I was surprised to receive P1,000 from my sister today. The desire to buy two tickets, to sponsor at least one person isn’t far from reality now. I pray to God to make it really a sacrifice for me to take part in Mosaic Ministries. Sacrifice isn’t a sacrifice if it doesn’t hurt.
I was hesitant at first to buy the idea of getting two tickets since I have no source of income. I doubted God’s capacity to provide. Now that I have P1000, I’m still hesitant since I could use the money for my personal needs. But I believe in my heart that God provided the money for that purpose. I can’t outgive God. He’s been faithful to me ever since, and will be for the rest of my life. The little sacrifice of not riding the jeep, even of not buying food are not at all sacrifices! What are these little sacrifices compared to the sacrifices of Christ, and even that of the disciples, and the Korean martyrs! Lord, accept these little sacrifices of mine and be pleased.
With the amount I received, I was able buy two tickets and gave my tithes. I still had extra money then in my pocket. So pati yun binigay ko. Sabi ko, Lord, ok lang. Sa iyo naman nanggaling yun. I can give because You have firstly given me.
Today is my scheduled personal fasting prayer for the Mosaic Ministries and 25/25. I thank the Lord for He was the One who chose the day for me to fast.
(1 Corinthians 16:9a) “For there is a wide-open door for a great work here, & many people are responding.” It is my prayer that many would respond to this open door of God – Mosaic Ministries.
But more than the sacrifices, let it be a journey of the heart.
MAY 05 – The decision to give the ticket to someone else, and not to one of my siblings or friends was indeed a struggle for me. I prayed to God to let me feel the sacrifice by taking part in this ministry. It wouldn’t be a complete sacrifice if I had done it otherwise. Sometimes kasi we tend to be selfish. We want the closest to us to benefit from our sacrifices, and not others. God rebuked me talaga, so I gave the other ticket to someone I do not know.
MAY 08 – (2 Corinthians 8:2-3) “Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy & their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, & even beyond their ability.” Generous giving is a will of the mind.
(2 Corinthians 8:11) “Now you should carry this project through to completion just as enthusiastically as you began it. Give whatever you can according to what you have.” This reminds me of the Project Mosaic. Lord, may I be able to take part until its completion.
(2 Corinthians 8:12) “If you are really eager to give, it isn’t important how much you are able to give. God wants you to give what you have, not what you don’t have.” I’m always reminded of this: I can only give, because God has firstly given me.
MAY 09 – (2 Corinthians 9:6) “Remember this – a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop.” This speaks about generous giving. I’m given the opportunity to take part in Project Mosaic again through the special screening of Shrek 3.
MAY 16 – (2 Samuel 24:24) “No, I insist on buying it, for I cannot present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.” Lord, I want to buy three tickets for Shrek 3, to sponsor two people. But is this Your will? Will it cost me more than just a sacrifice?
(Psalm 87:7) “All my springs are in You.” God is indeed our Source. We need to recognize God’s provision for us. My devotional book spoke about recognizing God’s provisions. I don’t know, but it coincides with my desire to buy three tickets for Shrek 3.
(2 Corinthians 9:8) “And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need & plenty left over to share with others.” Be marked & identified with God’s nature, and His blessing will flow through you all the time. – Oswald Chambers
(Samuel 30:23a) “Don’t be selfish with what the Lord has given us.” This was David’s reply to his men who refused to share what they recovered from the plunder. This verse talks about being generous. We are a channel of God’s blessings. I’ve decided to buy three tickets with all these Words He gave me.
MAY 17 – Today after Urban Meditation, I proceeded to St. Luke’s Hospital for my medical test. Today is also my scheduled fasting for Project Mosaic & 25/25, so I was kind of worried of the result. I got tempted to break my fast, but I stood firmly on what I have committed to God. The medical test finished at around 3pm, & I was able to break the fast at around 6pm already. The medical test is a requirement for my working visa. It costs P4000, and my sister lent me P6000 just in case there would be additional fees. But the result was ok, so it cost me only P4000, so the remaining P2000 had to be returned to my sister.
MAY 19 – I already returned the P2000 to my sister believing that God will provide the money for Shrek 3. Honestly I was tempted not to return it because I’m worried where to get it and how to pay the tickets. But I don’t want to go ahead of God’s plan. I’ll just let Him work.
(Philippians 1:29) “For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him.” This beautiful encounter is something I wouldn’t trade with any personal achievements. This is indeed a privilege from God.
MAY 20 – My God, You are amazing! I stand in awe of You. No words can really express how grateful I am for what You are doing in my heart. Thank You for providing the money to pay the tickets. Forgive me for having the slightest doubt that You can and will provide. I cannot really outgive God! And I cannot comprehend God’s ways. Today, He has shown me a miracle once more by providing the money to pay for the Shrek tickets. When I returned the money to my sister last night, and she accepted it, I began to worry. Though worried, deep in my heart I knew God will provide in ways I do not know how. I was already thinking of selling some books or clothes. But I knew God was teaching me something – to just trust in Him. Out of the blue, my sister returned to me the P2,000 today. God made sure that the trasformation of the heart must take place first.
I thank the Lord for letting me be a channel of blessing by giving the two tickets to some body who wanted to catch the vision of the church. Actually it is not the ticket, it is the vision.
MAY 21 – (Deuteronomy 15:10) “Give freely without begrudging it, & the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do.” It just amazes me to see that it’s during this time I have little, that I can give much; it’s during this time that God manifests His presence.
This is my journey. A long journey. Anyway, here are three things that I’ve learned from all these:
1. That it is still God who will put the desire in our hearts. Just open our heart;
2. That it is still God who will provide the means for us to take part. Just be ready for God;
3. Anything for God’s Kingdom is worth risking. Just trust in Him.
I took the risk of taking part in the Fun Run, Spiderman 3, & Shrek 3. This not the end. This is just the beginning.
I just pray that God will keep me faithful until the end.
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